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Ask Dr. Ceren: Fear Of Rejection Can Result in Anticipatory Anxiety Attacks
© 2003-2006, Sandra Levy Ceren. All Rights Reserved.

A young novelist writes:

Encouraged by my professor, I attended my first professional writing conference where I had a few scheduled appointments with agents. Although my professor and other students have praised my work, I found it very difficult to converse with the agents. My hands perspired and my shirt clung to my skin. My heart thumped so hard, I was afraid, everyone could hear it and that I may faint. I felt like a mute auditioning for the role of my dreams.

At the buffet table later on, I found it very difficult to chat up people. I watched as authors seemed at ease chatting up to make a sale. I wondered whether they were putting on this exterior while deep inside they felt as I did, or did they become extroverts as a result of their success as published authors.

Are creative people, by nature shy? I’ve never felt the need for many friends. My father was in the military and we moved often. I’d rather lose myself in an historical novel or science fiction than go out and play with classmates or neighbors.

As I try to make a writing career, I must overcome my shyness. What do you advise?

Dear young novelist,

The description of your experience at the conference suggests you may have had an anticipatory anxiety attack, brought on by your perceived threat of rejection by the agents. The threat was magnified as though it were life threatening.

Anticipatory anxiety occurs when you place too high value on the outcome of a given situation and expect the worst.

You must tell yourself repeatedly-and believe-that your life does not depend on the outcome of that specific situation. Ask yourself, what is the worst thing that could happen if this agent doesn’t want to represent my work? You know the answer. You keep looking.

Most young novelists may place too high a value of the importance of these meetings. They are important, but they do not represent your only opportunity.

When you go to conferences to pitch your wares, there is always the possibility your work (not you--differentiate here) will be rejected and you will feel badly. This is not a pleasant task. It's like a job interview. The interviewer has in mind a certain kind of candidate and you may or may not fill the bill of his/her preference...not because you are inadequate, but because you don't appeal to that editor's or agent's individual taste.

You knew your work was being scrutinized and could determine if you would procure an agent.at this conference. However, you responded to the situation as though it were life threatening, as though this was your only opportunity for success. It is not your final chance. Most successful writers go through countless rejections before publication.

Years ago, as a research project, a budding author sent many well known agents the work of famous contemporary authors in an attempt to make an interesting and not entirely unexpected point. According to the results of the project, none of the agents accepted the work and the comments noted were negative. Apparently, these hot shot agents did not recognize, nor appreciate the work.

Many creative people prefer solitude. They need time alone to work; to allow their imagination to flow freely without interruption. This does not mean that most creative people are introverts. Writing is a solo activity. Only you are judging what and how you write. You are the creator and reign over the page.

When making friends is difficult because of frequent relocations as a child, one may enter the world of imagination. Some children make up imaginary friends and stories and may show a talent for writing.

There are ways of reducing shyness such as joining Toastmasters, but an introvert will probably remain true to her personality, regardless of success. He prefers solitude to the company of others.

However, if he prefers solitude because he feels threatened by rejection from others, that is a problem that can be addressed in psychotherapy with a licensed professional.