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Disclaimer - The articles and columns on this website are not meant as substitutes for one-on-one
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consult a licensed psychotherapist in your area. This article/column may have first appeared in the Del Mar Times.
Ask Dr. Ceren: The Challenge Of Parenting Adolescents
Parenting a teenager is rarely easy, however successful parents tend to be those who engage their child with clear statements of parental expectations for specific behaviors so states a University of Minnesoto study. The researchers found that parental expectations play a major role in determining adolescents' behavior through the twelfth grade, regardless of family income, race, or the number of parents in the home.
So how can parents allow teens to earn more independence while continuing to provide guidance and appropriate discipline? And how do parents know if their expectations are too high or too low?
Remember that teenagers must become independent to become adults. Parents have responsibility to prepare their children for independent living. That means teaching the teen everything about managing his or her affairs from cooking and time management to negotiating relationships and conflict resolution.
Adolescense is the period in which one must learn how to separate from his parents and establish his own identity. As the adolescent presses for greater autonomy, parents must give it with discretion.
Parents must give the young person increasing amounts of responsibility for managing household affairs. Children will signal if the pace of increasing responsibility is proceeding too rapidly or too slowly. Too much delegation too early can lead to rebelliousness and for involvement in activities about which the parents would disapprove. Too much continued management or oppression can lead to sullenness, overt defiance, or self-sabotaging conduct.
Later, parents may opt to reduce or stop giving unsolicited advice and instead, include the teen when making decisions regarding when to return home, lights out, and where they are allowed to go. Parents therefore transition from giving permission to requiring information about the young person's plans.
While all adolescents are individuals, there are some basic challenges each parent faces with them. Parental authority is often challenged as children enter and move through their adolescent years. Maintaining open lines of communication and clear yet negotiable boundaries may prove useful in minimizing major conflicts. A psychologist may be called to help if conflicts cannot be resolved The psychologist can help parents develop the skills and strategies needed to help the parents and teenager to successfully navigate the many challenges of adolescence.
The American Psychological Association offers informative material on the Independent Psychologist website. For more tips on coping with teenagers click on www.division42.org.
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