Ask Dr. Ceren: Manic Episode?
© 2003-2006, Sandra Levy Ceren. All Rights Reserved.

Dear Dr. Ceren,

I would like some direction to help my boyfriend and/or how to break up with him without his retaliation.

We have been going together for three months in an exclusive relationship and have gotten along very well until recently. He seemed to manage well on his income, owns a lovely condo which was always neat and clean. He owned one decent car and when we went to fine restaurants, he refused to let me pick up the check since my earnings were considerably less than his. He was fun to be around until recently.

From the easy going guy I’ve known for three months, he now becomes agitated at the slightest annoyance. He is very impatient, threatens other drivers, and always seems to be hurried. He recently returned from a gambling trip, in which he admitted to having lost a large sum of money. Also new is the large sum of money he has also spent on various objects that he considers “collectors items,” but most would call junk which he buys at flea markets. His home is no longer neat and clean. Old newspapers, smashed Coke cans, are not disposed of. He has also began a collection of shoes, perhaps 100 pairs.

He has overcharged his credit card, bounced checks, and bought a new expensive car which he drives much too fast. When I asked him if he planned to sell his other car, he became incoherent. He hollered at me and told me to mind my own business. I was so upset, that I left his place in tears. He called later to apologize and rambled on and on, not making much sense. Told me he was on his way to financial freedom.

This is a side of him I never saw before. He works at home, alone and has managed to accumulate money, but now I don’t think he can hold on to it.

I am comfortable in my own rented apartment and I have not pressured him for a commitment for us to live together and he hasn’t suggested it. So I don’t think I’m the cause of his problem. I would have continued the relationship, but not the way he is now. Since he gets angry so quickly, I’m afraid of how he’ll react if I break up with him. Can I help him? If not, please advise me how to say good-bye.

I will sign this: “Distressed girlfriend.”

Dear “Distressed girlfriend,”

Your boyfriend is lucky to have a caring friend such as you.

No one can make a definitive diagnosis without seeing a patient. However from your description, your boyfriend should first consult a physician and a mental health professional. A radical change such as you describe may indicate a physical problem and/or substance abuse, or a psychiatric diagnosis of a manic episode. We don’t know if he’s had prior episodes. The cause of such radical changes must be investigated. You can tell him this in a sympathetic manner. Using your own words, convey the following:

“I care about you and I’m concerned because you are not acting like the wonderful guy I knew a few months ago. These changes (describe them) unnerve me. Sometimes a health condition causes behavioral changes. Please see your doctor to determine the state of your health.”