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consult a licensed psychotherapist in your area. This article/column may have first appeared in the Del Mar Times.
Ask Dr. Ceren: A Hard Act To Follow
Misha and Minna Singer met in music conservatory. He played piano and she, the violin. It was said they made sweet music together. They married and expected to pass on their musical talent to their children.
Their first born, Michael showed great promise early on, but their second child, Melody was a disappointment. Although she received the finest instruction and had tried hard, Melody couldn't carry a tune. Teachers gave up on her and decided she was "musically challenged." Her parents found it difficult to hide their frustration.
A poor student, Melody was shy, withdrawn and showed no talent or interest in anything. Lacking in friends and ignored by her peers, Melody grew depressed. The parents engaged a psychologist. After a battery of tests and a several consultations, the family was told that Melody's low scores were probably due to depression resulting from her membership in a high achieving family-a hard act to follow. It was explained that the family must come to terms with their unrealistic expectations of their daughter. The dutiful parents followed the psychologist's suggestions. They gave her affection, praised her for her efforts, and bought her a dog for companionship.
At the peak of her adolescence, Melody blossomed into a beautiful young woman. Her long, natural blonde tresses bounced and glistened as she strolled to classes. Her blue eyes were large and clear. High-cheekbones and full lips added to her allure. Not to mention her well-formed body. Her good looks generated the interest of many suitors. None of them cared about her poor academic performance. When the big-man-on-campus, the star football player dated her exclusively, she became popular with the girls, too. She went to parties, laughed and smiled and felt better about herself.
When it was time to consider a career and most of her peers were applying to colleges, the guidance counselor advised Melody that her grade point average was not acceptable and that she should decide on an career which did not involve scholastics. She knew she was considered a "dumb blonde," and that her choices were limited. She would make the most of what she had-her appearance.
Melody became a well-paid model. She has learned the art of make-up and fashion and instructs young women preparing for modeling careers.
Melody was lucky to have a valued attribute-although not particularly valued by her musical family. Her attractive appearance helped her gain self-esteem and she was able to put it to work for her.
But there are many average young people who feel they have little to turn to. They show no special talents, do poorly in school, and suffer low self esteem. They may come from high achieving families which have become a hard act for them to follow. Without ambition, without hope, they may turn to drugs or crime.
If children are respected for themselves and are taught and appreciated for the basic values of compassion, responsibility and honesty, they have a better chance of gaining self respect and can find jobs within their capabilities.
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