So you’re thinking about getting married. If you’re a woman, you’ve probably combed through countless bridal magazines for the perfect dress, but have you really looked carefully to make sure that your intended is as right for you as that designer gown? Just as you wouldn’t buy a car or a house without first doing a little research, you certainly don't want to buy into a marriage before you’re sure your partner is the right one for you. You want to avoid a stressful relationship that could nibble away at your self-esteem and cause serous problems along the way. You prefer a loving, caring relationship.

The wisdom gleaned from many years treating distressed couples led me to develop materials to determine emotional readiness for marriage, compatibility, and willingness to resolve conflicts. These materials consist of in-depth personality and relationship quizzes, a list of typical situations couples confront, and effective communication and conflict resolution skills applicable to personal and professional life. This program is accredited for continuing education for psychologists and is published in ESSENTIALS OF PREMARITAL COUNSELING.

Several years ago, over seventy couples seeking pre-marital counseling utilized these materials. Fifty-six couples ranging in age from mid-twenties to mid-forties responded to a five year follow up survey. That the majority of couples returned the survey is significant and beyond expectation. Of the fifty-six couples, forty decided to marry. Thirty-three couples in this group remain in satisfactory marriages (82.5% success rate) They gave excellent ratings to the materials and the counseling experience.

Of the seven remaining couples who married, two divorced and five are in unstable marriages. All regretted not heeding the warning signs. Seven individuals stated they valued the program and materials and used what they had learned to select more appropriate mates.

In premarital sessions you will be presented with a variety of situations that many couples confront. Imagining yourself in the situations presented will help you to learn how you and your partner would likely respond to an actual event. Taking time to review similar occasions in your past will help you discover your coping styles--what worked and what didn't work. You may find a difference in how you'd handle a situation now as compared to how you responded to a similar situation in the past. This reflects your growth.

It takes time to learn if you are suited for one another. Marriages made too hastily may prove risky. Ideally, having time to experience a variety of situations together will be telling. It is time well spent in gathering important information to reflect upon.

From time to time, it is normal for conflict to occur in every relationship. Therefore, using the situations presented in our sessions, you will attempt to reach mutually agreeable solutions as you practice the conflict resolution skills provided.

Because a “Don’t ask” policy does not work in intimate relationships you must share your answers to the quizzes with each other. Sharing your responses to the quizzes can actually create deeper intimacy. Intimates know each other as fully as possible. It’s comforting to be understood.

Physical attraction, companionship, fear of not finding another mate in the future, motivation to have a family life, or economic improvement are compelling reasons for wanting to marry, but they aren’t enough. You want a good marriage, one that provides contentment and stability and allows each of you to reach your own potential, offering comfort when things outside the marriage aren't going well.

In your sessions you will learn the important qualities required for making a good marriage. Identifying these qualities within yourself and your prospective mate will show whether you are emotionally ready for marriage--for a lifetime with that special person in whose company you feel most comfortable.

Statistics show that approximately one half of American marriages have ended in divorce. The statistic appears to be going down, perhaps as a result of premarital education. A research project cited in Family Relationships reviewed 23 studies on the effectiveness of premarital education and found that the average couple who participated in a premarital counseling or education program reports a significantly stronger marriage than other couples.

Many people are marrying for the second or third time, repeating their mistakes with other mates who on the surface may appear to be different from their former spouses, but may nevertheless present similar ways of interacting.

Marriage may not be right for everyone. It is important to consider a negative aspect of marriage that some may find too difficult a barrier to overcome.

Living intimately with another person requires making decisions jointly. It means considering another’s viewpoint, likes and dislikes, which may differ from yours. This can create stress and shatter an otherwise peaceful existence, robbing you of joy and oft-times, self worth. You must be prepared for a change in lifestyle, one that includes a new set of dynamics and expectations.

In our sessions you will find common sense coupled with forty years of psychological experience and wisdom gleaned from treating couples in troubled relationships. Many of these relationships failed because one or the other of the pair did not know how to read or heed the warning signs. Either their relationship was blinded by unhealthy needs, or they were not ready to commit. When perceptions are clouded by desire, people may overlook important aspects of the person they have chosen for a partner.

Although some couples have had the good fortune of entering into a marriage after a brief courtship, it is risky and therefore not recommended. It is much better to allow enough time to know each other as well as possible to avoid unpleasant surprises.

Consider this personalized ten week commitment of two hours per week as an investment in your future and a crash course in divorce prevention. Couples who have been together over a long period may choose a shorter version of the program. Please call 858-755-0088 for details and available weekend or evening times.