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Ask
Dr. Ceren: The Challenge Of Parenting Adolescents Parenting a teenager is rarely
easy, however successful parents tend to be those who engage their
child with clear statements of parental expectations for specific
behaviors so states a University of Minnesoto study. The researchers
found that parental expectations play a major role in determining
adolescents' behavior through the twelfth grade, regardless of
family income, race, or the number of parents in the home.
So how can parents allow teens
to earn more independence while continuing to provide guidance
and appropriate discipline? And how do parents know if their expectations
are too high or too low?
Remember that teenagers must become
independent to become adults. Parents have responsibility to prepare
their children for independent living. That means teaching the
teen everything about managing his or her affairs from cooking
and time management to negotiating relationships and conflict
resolution.
Adolescense is the period in which
one must learn how to separate from his parents and establish
his own identity. As the adolescent presses for greater autonomy,
parents must give it with discretion.
Parents must give the young person
increasing amounts of responsibility for managing household affairs.
Children will signal if the pace of increasing responsibility
is proceeding too rapidly or too slowly. Too much delegation too
early can lead to rebelliousness and for involvement in activities
about which the parents would disapprove. Too much continued management
or oppression can lead to sullenness, overt defiance, or self-sabotaging
conduct.
Later, parents may opt to reduce
or stop giving unsolicited advice and instead, include the teen
when making decisions regarding when to return home, lights out,
and where they are allowed to go. Parents therefore transition
from giving permission to requiring information about the young
person's plans.
While all adolescents are individuals,
there are some basic challenges each parent faces with them. Parental
authority is often challenged as children enter and move through
their adolescent years. Maintaining open lines of communication
and clear yet negotiable boundaries may prove useful in minimizing
major conflicts. A psychologist may be called to help if conflicts
cannot be resolved The psychologist can help parents develop the
skills and strategies needed to help the parents and teenager
to successfully navigate the many challenges of adolescence.
The American Psychological Association
offers informative material on the Independent Psychologist website.
For more tips on coping with teenagers click on www.division42.org.
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