Ask Dr. Ceren: Holiday Blues
© 2003-2006, Sandra Levy Ceren. All Rights Reserved.

Holiday festivities conjure an image of close friends and family basking in the warm glow of each other's company amidst a bountiful feast of beautifully displayed food. The cheery picture is repeated on TV and advertisements for turkey, trimmings, and holiday gift bombarding the viewer with reminders of these celebrations.

For those who do not have available close friends or family with whom to share such events, the reminder of it can be very painful. For those who have had difficult family lives, it can be a negative experience to be reminded of what we missed when we witness the happy faces of people sharing the joy of the holidays together. It is especially difficult for those who are newly separated, divorced, widowed or who are newcomers to the area.

How to cope with holiday blues is a question frequently asked of psychologists and other mental health clinicians. The number of patients seeking therapy rises before these events.

The first step for those experiencing holiday blues is to listen carefully to the messages you send yourself when holidays come about. Do you tell yourself that you are not worthwhile? That nobody has cared, does care, or will ever care for you? That you have brought this on yourself because of some horrible piece of your behavior from which no one, especially yourself will ever forget or forgive?

Do you dwell on negatives and ignore the positives about yourself and your situation? Do you label yourself a disaster because you are not a financial, athletic, or romantic success? Do you see yourself only in black and white terms causing yourself to feel blue?

The blues you experience may not be based on accurate perceptions of reality, but are based on what you tell yourself about yourself. You may truly be your worst critic. You may be generalizing that because you are lonely now, you will always be lonely; because you were rejected in the past (and we all were at some time) that you will continue to be rejected in the future.

It is vital to put things in perspective and it is not easy to do so when you are blue. Attempting to look outside yourself at yourself, as though you were evaluating someone else, is a good way to create some needed distance.

If in your dialogue with yourself about yourself, you may see some problem areas you would like to change. Appreciate yourself for recognizing it and see yourself as a person evolving. You can explore the possibility of individual or group therapy. Knowing that you are not alone, that many good people have holiday blues may make it easier for you to cope.

You can accept the blues as a challenge and as a chance for change. Some of the most wonderful songs, poems and stories have been composed by those with the blues.

A change of scenery during holiday times can be an adventure. A hike on a pretty trail may bring a rosy glow to your cheeks and may lighten the load you experience.

Finding groups of folk with your interests can be a positive, uplifting experience. Such groups are advertised in local newspapers and frequently meet at libraries, churches, temples, and adult education classes.

Cope don't mope.