Relationships, A Reflection of Values
© 2003-2006, Sandra Levy Ceren. All Rights Reserved.

Relationships provide the opportunity to share good times and bad times.

Since we perceive situations and people from our own point of view, it is may be difficult to agree on the merit of certain friends or situations. How you handle this conflict or other conflicts is the key to a healthy relationship.

Problems occur when there is an unwillingness to examine objectively another person’s viewpoint. When you are willing to learn how to do this, the relationship stands a good chance to blossom over time.

There are cases, however, where a relationship will not succeed despite the best efforts of both parties. Breaking up is painful whether individuals are involved for six weeks, six months, six years, or a lifetime. The loss of a very close relationship through separation or death typically takes at least a year for the partner to adjust. And not unlike a death, a breakup engenders grief reactions.

When children are involved, separation and divorce are traumatic for the entire family. Divorcing parents and their children may be depressed, anxious, struggle with eating and sleeping and may even be embarrassed to be with friends. Some individuals become more forgetful or irritable, have difficulty at work, and may struggle to concentrate.

You are fortunate that there are many fine psychologists and other mental health professionals in this community who have the tools to help you during trying times.

A good relationship is one in which values are shared. Before we choose our mates, we should consider what kind of parents they are likely to make. You can judge if this person will help perpetuate shared good values.

We demonstrate our values by our own behavior. Consideration of others is vital. If a person does not consider others, then he or she may not show you consideration.

Bad behavior stands out.

Recently, I popped into a Solana Beach department store to purchase a few items. When I reached the sole cashier, there was an unusually long line of customers. I asked her if she could call someone to start another line. She did. The new cashier beckoned me and those from the other line to her register. Of course, I told the people who had waited before me to go in front of me. By the time they did, the first line had become short, so I stepped back toward that line.

In an effort to place herself ahead of me, a woman practically collided with me. Since she had no merchandise, I figured she might be there to ask the clerk a question. But no, when it was her turn, she waved to her daughter, for whom she was apparently holding a place on line. The young woman raced down the aisle rolling a cart load of merchandise. I expressed my dismay politely. She ignored me. I turned to the young woman behind me and said, “Isn’t she unfair?”

The young woman said, “No, she’s not unfair. She’s smart.”

These young women shared the same value of selfishness, an attitude no doubt exhibited to them by a role model.

Fortunately for every person who behaves badly, there are many more exhibiting consideration and concern for others. Many times at the supermarket I have witnessed customers with a cart full of groceries offering to let those with a few items to go ahead of them.