Ask Dr. Ceren: Signs Your Marriage Is In Jeopardy
© 2003-2006, Sandra Levy Ceren. All Rights Reserved.

Do you nag each another over trivial matters?

Do most aspects of your spouse irritate you?

Has your spouse physically or emotionally abused you? Are you afraid of your spouse? An affirmative answer to this question indicates you need to remove yourself from danger as quickly as possible. You will need emotional support, and a safe place to live. Support groups are available in our community.

Has your spouse damaged your credit? Is your spouse willing to take responsibility?

When you attempt to communicate with each other, does it usually lead to a disagreement? If you can joke about it your marriage will be better off.

Do either of you bring up past hurts? If you do, it will only make matters worse. It is history. The past cannot be changed, but making amends may heal the wounds. It is a good sign if the offending party asks how he/she can make it better and is willing to offer acceptable amends.

Do you feel encumbered or oppressed by your spouse and dream of being single again?

Do you each enjoy activities together and apart?

Do you resent your spouse’s activities or friends that do not include you? You may be too dependent on your spouse for recreation and friendship. It is difficult or one person to meet all your needs.

If you expect your spouse to make you happy you must learn that your happiness is your responsibility.

Can you remember the last time you had fun together?

When was the last time you enjoyed sex together?

How often do you hug, tickle, play and laugh together?

If you have children, are you often in agreement about how you raise them?

Are there unresolved in-law problems?

Do you have problems with a haunting past that does not involve your spouse?

Do you have untreated symptoms of depression? Depression in one family member rips the fabric of the family.

Does your spouse frequently criticize you?

Examine the events leading to the criticism. Is it justified? Have you set it up?

How often do you feel ashamed of your spouse’s behavior?

Do you have similar goals and values?

Can you compromise on important issues?

Has your spouse been unfaithful more than once?

Has he/she made acceptable amends?

Do you have respect for one another?

Do you have dreams of being single again?

What were the reasons you married? Why did you choose your spouse?

Are you unwilling to seek help? Why?

Is unresolved anger in the way? Anger eats away at everyone involved. Anger prevents healing. Learning to let it go is a skill that can be learned. Or would you prefer holding on to your anger as justification that you are right. Would you prefer being right rather than opening yourself to happiness?

Have you consulted a mental health professional who you felt did not understand and was not helpful and therefore you gave up on seeking another counselor, social worker or psychologist with whom you may have a better fit? You have given up too easily. Our community has several well trained, caring family therapists.

If you have consulted a skilled marital therapist and felt the person understood you, but you and/or your spouse are unwilling to implement the suggestions provided, you may be ready to end your marriage.

Sometimes an unhealthy relationship cannot be saved and divorce is inevitable.

Bear in mind that you will need emotional support and a plan that includes financial arrangements and co-parenting. Often a skilled mediator can be helpful to settle these issues fairly.